September 23, 2016
According to my calculations, this will be the day I reach my down payment goal for the purchase of my own place given my current situation. BIG PLANS are in motion here, people. Big. Plans.
As of right now, I’m comfortable with this seemingly distant date in the future, where the money I’m setting aside will magically blossom into the first step to owning my own home. I’ll be 29. Obviously, I hope to push the date up sooner, if I can, by seeing where I can put more away before the temptation to spend it on other shiny and distracting things takes over.
It’s been a couple of years now that I’ve felt suspended in this weird twilight zone. Gradual as the onset was, I found myself at a point where I couldn’t really use the ‘new graduate’ card anymore, but also couldn’t bring myself to accept the utterly boring, (but all too necessary), reality of having to plan for my future.
In the last four years, the three words I came to dread the most whenever I was in the same room as my dad were FIVE-YEAR PLAN. I had exactly one year of grace, when I first finished up at university. One blissful, five-year plan inquisition-free year. When I pulled a fast one and decided to completely change the direction of my career to one that seemingly had no direction whatsoever, it was the elephant in the room that became even more conspicuous.
(For the record, I don’t have the kind of parents who annoyingly drop hints about wanting grandchildren. I have the kind who drop hints about what I plan to do in order to stay financially stable. I honestly don’t know what’s worse.)
All that time that I didn’t want to discuss my five-year plan was because I really didn’t have one - and, perhaps more importantly - I wasn’t in the right mindset to commit to what I needed to do to make one.
Much of my internal struggle came from wanting to stay true to myself and my ideas of the kind of life I want to lead - but also wanting to afford the comforts I’d become accustomed to growing up, which I knew hadn’t come without a certain amount of sacrifice and hard work on my parents’ behalf.
In December 2011, it all came to a head. It was just too much for me to process and deal with. I didn’t want to start what I couldn’t finish, or rush into a huge commitment and plans for 2012 before 2011 was even out the door.
(On a side note, if I had to do word association with 2011, my word would have been MELTDOWN. I couldn’t even compose a 2011 recap post of all my dramatic meltdowns because I was in the middle of yet another one in December. Yeesh.)
But that’s what they say about giving time, time. I (thankfully) recognized that none of what I was stressing about had to be done RIGHTTHISSECOND, and I shelved it away in time to have a surprisingly peaceful* and renewing holiday with my family.
Now that the holiday frenzy has passed and I’ve settled into 2012, I’ve turned a corner. January equals carte blanche, and I’m finding that I can re-evaluate things in a new light without the negativity and resentment I was starting to colour everything with just last month. There’s been a paradigm shift in these parts, and although I don’t have all the answers yet, at the very least I’ve taken a step in a forward-moving direction. Whether or not it’s the right direction for myself - well, that’s to be determined. But even if it doesn’t turn out to be…it won’t be because I didn’t give it my all. From here on out, there’s no looking back.
Giddy up.
*I say this because historically, our time together is characterized by us getting on each others’ nerves, but not so much this time around. Miracles DO happen!
